adjusting my passions.
As I write this, I’m sitting in the passenger seat of our car heading back to Minnesota after a few days of holiday celebrations with family and friends in Wisconsin and Illinois. I spent a good part of the week writing this post in my head, procrastinating on it, mulling it over around and around in my mind. But if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been mulling over and procrastinating on this post for the better part of a year. It’s the post where I tell you that I have decided I am closing the invisible doors on Girl Versus Dough, because after seven and a half years, it is finally time.
It’s time for me to come to terms with the fact that I have been slowly losing my true passion for food blogging over the last 12 months, to admit to you all that my heart is just not in it anymore like it used to be. It’s time for me to stop resenting deadlines and client work and having my daughter at home on a work day, her little hands tugging on my pant leg while I’m standing on a step stool taking pictures of perfectly sliced bread, telling her, “Just one more minute, sweetie, just one more minute,” all the while feeling my frustrations build over her presence, the food’s presence, a looming deadline’s presence. I don’t want that for her. I don’t want that for me. And I don’t want you to come to a blog where I don’t write about what’s really going on behind the scenes, where the genuineness is lost and all that I give you is a shell of my self plus a recipe for bread or cookies. It’s not why I started this blog in the first place and it’s not how I want to end it. So I am closing the doors now before it gets there. It’s the right thing to do.
I won’t say this decision came lightly — in fact, I’ve spent many tear-filled moments wishing I was done with blogging, then even more tear-filled moments wishing I still loved it like I once did. To be fair, I still love coming up with recipes and creating them and sharing them — but I want to do more of it in real life, in person, with actual people at my kitchen table, not having to think about whether the food will photograph well or when I’ll have time to post about it. I feel like I haven’t had the energy or the desire to do that in so long because I’ve been working so hard on the blog. And beyond that, I haven’t been able to enjoy doing other things that I love, like writing for the sake of writing, or painting, or decorating, or going on dates with my husband, or taking my daughter to the zoo or the children’s museum or on play dates as often as I’d like — and especially doing so without feeling that nagging guilt that I should be working on my online business. For years my heart and my energies have been torn, and while this blog has provided so much to me and to my family, it’s also taken a lot away. And I just can’t do that anymore.
A quote from Shauna Niequist’s book, “Present Over Perfect” (which I HIGHLY recommend reading, especially if you’re finding yourself in a similar situation), sticks out to me as I embrace this new adventure of my life, where I seek to be more present in my offline life and to find out where my passions will take me next. She says, “The world will tell you how to live if you let it. Don’t let it. Take up your space. Raise your voice. Sing your song. This is your chance to make or remake a life that thrills you.” Her book celebrates a life filled with less stuff, but more meaning. Less hustle. More rest. Less travel. More presence. Less busyness and the celebrating of it. More love and deep-rooted connection with the very people under your own roof and in your surrounding community. You get the idea.
It’s exactly what I want for my life, now and in the future, as we prepare to bring another child into our world this April and build a family. I want my family to know me as someone who works hard for them but is always present, especially offline. I want to find myself again, too, and seek out what I really love. I love, love to write. Maybe I’ll write a book someday. Maybe I’ll volunteer more at our church. Maybe I’ll start a completely new business or project that will fascinate me like food blogging once did (I’m actually working on something now, but it is so raw and new and undeveloped that I’m not ready to share about it here. Someday, maybe). But I want to do it for me, wholly and whole-heartedly. I want to be vulnerable to the world in a new way, to see where it leads me, instead of slogging through each day doing what I think I’m “supposed to” be doing all for it to end with my head hitting the pillow in exhaustion and starting all over again the next morning, bright and early.
On a housekeeping note, I will be posting a few more times through April to continue a partnership with a brand, so I’m not completely out of here. And who knows? I may find that this time away will renew my passions in a way I never thought possible. So this is more of a “see you later!” than a permanent goodbye. I don’t want to make any decisions that I can’t take back.
Friends, please don’t take these words as discouragement. I love this space and everything it has become in these fun, adventurous, whirlwind years. I am so thankful for all of the opportunities that have come from it, for the people I have met who have become sincerely good friends, for the e-mails and messages from you lovely readers that have been so encouraging and supportive. I have gotten through very tough times because of you and you have also celebrated joyful times with me, and that is something I will never forget. And I want us to still be friends, so please, continue to e-mail me, visit me on my Instagram (@girlversusdough), keep in touch on Facebook, etc. etc. I won’t be shutting down this blog any time soon, as I want to keep the current recipes and stories up here for anyone who needs them. That’s the incredible character and community of food, that it will always bring us together at the table, online or otherwise.
I hope 2017 brings to you all the joy, peace and encouragement it possibly can. I hope it also brings you delicious food and a greater sense of love and community at your kitchen table. That’s what it’s all about, after all.
xoxo, s
Good luck to you
Wishing you well in whatever your decide. Family and friends are important and changing your mind is okay too. I really enjoy your blog and have not noticed a decline in enthusiasm, that said I understand your desire to have a life outside the blogging arena. You can always come back, that door is open. Continued success in whatever you do.
I know how you feel – even though I love writing, sometimes the pressure to post and the “guilt” I feel if I haven’t published anything in awhile, can be too much.
I’ve enjoyed your blog. Wishing you all the best for the year ahead!
Terry
Honestly, stopping blogging a year ago was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I don’t think I realised how much it was taking out of me and how much it was dominating my life until I just stopped. I didn’t cook or bake anything very much for ages but it’s been so nice to just be able to make what I want, when I want now. If I want to make chocolate chip cookies every week, I can without worrying about what I ‘should’ be making for the blog. Happy new year to you and I’m looking forward to still following your adventures on instagram 🙂
Best of luck on your new adventures! I have enjoyed reading your blog for several years–I was transplanted to MN 5 years ago and it was a comfort to me to read about a kindred spirit that resided not too far away!
Stephanie, I truly admire what you are doing and pray and hope that you do find where you should be and what you should be doing. . and hey, if it’s 100% being a mother and wife, that is worth it. I’m taking on a lot less sponsored work this year . . because, I have the exact same feelings you state above. . the deadlines, the pressure etc. Wishing you the happiest 2017 and I didn’t know about your pregnancy! Congrats!!! Seeing your children play together will bring you so much joy. . it’ll be great!
I can so understand this and wish you the best of luck on your new phase of life! I think we never truly know how much it takes out of us until you stop and picture life without it. I hope we can connect again next time I’m in MSP (more arepas anyone?) and am excited to see your new little one join the world soon! Sending many love and hugs. xo
Oh sweet friend I am so proud of you for listening to your gut and following your heart. I am so grateful I got to know you through blogging and am excited to see where life takes you in the coming years with your growing family! Xoxox
I love you girl! I struggle with these feelings all the time too. They started before I had Jack. And let me tell you that a second child only amplifies this feeling of inadequacy. you can’t give enough to your kids and family. You can’t give enough to your blog. I have to say though that time off when jack was born and scaling back to maybe a post a week or even every other week did help. You have to do what is best for you. Finally, after jack turned one, it feels like I can live and live aaaand sneak in a few recipes during nap time for myself. I love you and I know whatever you have up your sleeve next will be as amazing as you! Muah! PS expect an email soon!
Stephanie,
You have brought joy to all of us with your delicious recipes & kind spirit!! I applaud you wanting to step away before it becomes tedious. You have a young family & how fortunate that you can give them your attention.
May you be healthy & happy!
Good luck to you in your new adventures. Sleep well tonight knowing that you add a little happiness to your blog family’s lives. I’ve enjoyed my time here & wish only the best for you & your growing family. Be happy!
Congratulations on your new direction! I have enjoyed your posts, but I can totally relate to feeling the need to focus on family and home. The babies are only little for a short while…soak it in and make the memories now, they will not keep! Hope 2017 is wonderful for you and your crew!
One of the best pieces of honesty I have read. Thank you for having the courage to be transparent and authentic while doing the difficult surgery of bearing your heart. I wish you and the family the best; you made the right generational choice.
I’ve loved getting to “know” you over the years and am proud of you for doing what’s best for you! (I also love Shauna Niequist…good taste!) Looking forward to following along on all your new adventures!
I’ve been a follower of your blog for a while now. I feel as though I have gotten to know who you are, and your sense abilities. Not being from the Midwest, I appreciate the midwestern values I’ve come across in my travels, and you are an example of those values. Sounds like you and your husband have worked hard to get to where you are today, and you have options to take a new direction for your family…options are good! There is nothing our children want from us other than our time. We should all be prioritizing our options to spend as much time with them as possible. Good for you Stephany…God bless
Ps. Thanks for keeping the recipes up!
Thank you for sharing this – Your words perfectly echo how I felt a few months ago! When I started blogging, I remember being so giddy about testing recipes, getting the perfect photo, and hitting “publish.” Eventually that passion turned to obligation and resentment. Since I started blogging in my mid-twenties, it became a big part of my adult identity/self, so deciding to stop was a big hurdle that I struggled with for almost a year. Sometimes it’s so hard to listen to ourselves! I was so afraid that I would miss it, but honestly it’s been the best decision – I now cook whatever I want, I don’t care how it looks, and if it doesn’t turn out well I just shrug it off and get takeout. I can spend my evenings and weekends hanging out with my husband, seeing friends, and relaxing instead of trying to force creativity. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do 🙂
I’m so happy for you for following your gut and doing what is best for you and your growing family. Hope we can still connect IRL 😉
You go, girl! Although I’ll miss you (and I know I won’t be the only lurker who will), I’m very happy for you. Sometimes just making a decision can lift a huge weight off your shoulders, and I hope you enjoy the lightness of your future. 🙂
I just found your blog. I am happy to see you following your passions. I am also glad that you are keeping the blog up so I can learn and experience all of your fantastic recipes. Good luck to you and your new adventures. I look forward to learning more from you even if you’re not posting new content.
Nope, not approved 🙂
We all move and shift in our enthusiasms on this life journey. The wise realize it and put their energy elsewhere. Some just plod on to “stodge”…because they think they “should” and that that is what is expected of them. Spread your new wings and fly. You are still you, that will never change. Good Luck!
All the best in your future passions!
Thanks for all you’ve shared.
All the best to you and your family. That’s what you have given us over the years– your best. You will be missed.
Very well said. Although I will truly miss your stories and your awesome recipes I look forward to spending more quality time with you. I don’t see this as saying goodbye. I see this as saying hello to a new, exciting experience. You have always done things with great care and compassion and I don’t see this as being anything different. Welcome to a different chapter, one where your friends, family and blogging peeps will embrace right along with you. Love you with all my heart. Mom
This is SO sad, yet, I totally get it. I admire you so much for making this difficult decision, and ultimately, putting your family first. I often think the same things when I’m working and letting Teddy play by himself a few feet away from me, it’s a constant struggle. I have loved reading your posts over the years and adored all your baked goodies. Good luck girlfriend, and of course, I’ll still be following along on your Instagram!
So beautifully written, Steph! I’m glad you are figuring out what will make you (and your family) happy. I’ve been having a lot of similar feelings lately so this is 100% relatable. Sending you lots of luck and hoping we can meet one day in real life!
Good for you!! Family is everything, and I speak from experience. Take your time, do what YOU want to do, kiss those little hands while you can.
I recently found your website through a Google search and enloy your writing. Whatever direction you choose to go I hope you keep writing and sharing. Thanks.
Tough decision Stephanie! But you will never regret making your family first. Nobody on their deathbed ever said, gee I wish I’d spent more time working and less time with my family. I’m excited for your new adventure!! Way to embrace it!
You have to do what is best for you and your family. Good luck with whatever you chose to do in the future. May you and yours have a Happy, Healthy, Prosperous 2017.
GOD BLESS!
I’ll miss all your beautiful recipes and how wonderful you write! I admire the courage it takes to make big life decisions like this. Good luck!
Go, you!! If I’ve learned anything in the past 6 months, it’s to cherish every. single. day. Don’t wait until you’re in my shoes (which I hope never happens to you) to realize this. Life is short. I know old people say that all the time, and I remember thinking when I was your age…yeah, right. Well, I literally turned around and I’m here. Spend every single moment you can hugging those babies, and loving onto your husband and doing things that you love to do. Everything (and I mean everything) else can wait. I’m proud of you and I wish you the best of luck and will be praying that this is a smooth transition for you and you will have God’s perfect peace throughout all of this. Love, Momma Swope
Wow. Respect to you. Enjoy life from this day forward. xo
You go, girl! A friend of mine says often, “Well, those are 2 hours I won’t get back again!” – if an inopportune moment arises where he has to decide whether he wants to attend that meeting or that function. And I agree – I use that as my standard in deciding whether I want to participate in something.
I’m so excited and pleased that you have shared your family, the birth of Avery and hopefully in April, the birth of your new addition!
Go forth young woman, and make this the best possible life for you and those you love! God’s abundant blessings and grace be with you!
Sad to see you go! But happy for your next adventures in life, as a mommy and as your own woman doing what you love.
Thanks for the countless amazing recipes and the inspiration for an newbie midwestern blogger like me!
So proud of you and your courage to pursue what is important to you!! I retired 2 and a half years ago and it is totally freeing.!! So rejoice and be glad in it!!. God will so direct your steps!! I will say a prayer for you and your family.
We say in our family, Love is spelled TIME. This is YOUR TIME! Congrats!
I will keep the light burning for you, dear friend!
Thanks for the journey thus far in sharing your time and talents with us! Families are the most important thing in life, so taking time out to prioritize is commendable. And forget about deadlines — why not just post something as time and interest allows — even if it’s months inbetween…? Just a thought. Anyway, I hope the arrival of your baby is joyful, and uneventful 🙂
Thank you for sharing your lovely blog with us for as long as you did! As a new mother feeling torn apart after returning to work, I understand the deep desire for more time with family and to just BE. I wish you well in your search for it.
I firmly believe you have to do whatever keeps you sane. So best of luck in your new endeavor/s!
I do think you could continue blogging less frequently if you wanted to. A side business/blog doesn’t have to be one that makes tons of money. It can be a small one. It can make just enough to cover costs. Maybe that would take the pressure off, if you still feel the need to write and share recipes?
Honestly, as a fellow mother, I actually kind of appreciate blogs that don’t post all the time, because I feel like I can still keep up with them. Tons of posts turn me off, tbh (had to unfollow The Kitchn and a few others for that reason). Orangette doesn’t post that often. Wednesday Chef doesn’t either (and her pictures aren’t very great, and she usually only posts one). Yet these blogs still have huge followings. It can just be your space to unbottle whatever you feel like sharing.
But again, do whatever keeps you sane, blog or no blog!
We all must do what is best for us, full stop. Thanks for sharing your food with us!
“Present over perfect”. This is what you are doing. Passion is important and so are present people like family. If you’re not ‘feeling it’ anymore you are doing yourself and everyone else a favor by bowing out. Who knows, maybe you will blog about other things on another day and time. If more of us would follow our gut and where our passion leads us (or stops us) our world would be happier and better. Even though it will be sad to see you go I can respect anyone who decides to leave what they are doing with class and heart. Good luck to you in your new ventures.
This is such a thoughtful, beautifully written post. I am so grateful that blogging brought you into my life. You are so creative, passionate, and kind. I’m blessed to call you a friend and know that wonderful things are ahead for you! xoxoxoxo
Omigosh I am going through the same thing. I completely understand, even though I’ll def miss reading all the amazing posts and seeing all the delicious food <3 Just soak up your life, enjoy your time with your little sweetie, and let food be FUN again!
Amen, girl, amen. I feel the same pull and am in the middle of really trying to figure out which way to go. I’m proud of you for standing up for what you want, and what your family needs!!! XOXO
Best of luck. You will do great whatever path you decide to take. Enjoy your babies! They’re only this age for a short time.
Love reading your emails and recipes. You’ll be missed by a lot of people.
You made the right decision – to do what you think it best. I feel exactly the same as you, and the fact that such an amazing blogger has admitted to changing passions gives me comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. I blog and post recipes/photos on Instagram, but recently I seem to have lost my previous passions for it. Nevertheless, I wish you all the best and maybe someday you’ll find passion in baking again xx
Smart woman. Life is just a breath and it goes by all too quickly. The important things are the five fingers on your hand:
Thumb – God
Index – self (health, rest)
Middle – husband (provider, sustainer, friend, lover)
Ring – children (future, family traditions, love)
Pinky – job (blog, extra income if necessary)
I think you have chosen rightly. I have enjoyed your writings and your recipes and I will miss you sharing your life and family with me but I am excited for you.
Blessings on your family, home, finances and future endeavors….even if it’s just a good cup of coffee and a piece of hot bread and butter?
Oh, my goodness. The best of luck and many blessings to you. I’ve enjoyed your blog but understand that life includes changes. Enjoy!
Thank you for everything you’ve shared with us over the years. I wish you all the best in the new adventures you’re moving toward, and I’m happy you’ve made a decision that takes care of you. Best wishes. You’ve brought many people joy, and I’m sure you will continue to do so in whatever you choose.
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Aw, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way, but it sounds like you’re making the right decision for yourself. Best of luck to you with the new baby coming and I hope you find your spark again, wherever it might lead you. We’ll miss you around these parts, but I’ll keep in touch via social media. 😉 xoxo
Stephanie, I love you for posting this!! I’ve been feeling the same way about blogging. Your blog is one of the blogs I first started following when I entered the blogosphere and I so admire you for being so genuine about your reasons for putting down the blog “pen.” Wishing you and your family all the best and I hope to see you in some other creative form in the future!! (Because you are so very talented, I’m sure it will erupt eventually in some form! 🙂
Your time and work on this beautiful blog has been appreciated and enjoyed by so many. Thanks for sharing your talents and time with us all. All the best to you and your family as you enter this next stage of life welcoming your second child. So happy for you!!
Well, I just found you on your last day of blogging. *Sigh* But best wishes to you. The Pickled Rhubarb link from HuffPo brought me to your site. I must have been here before because I have pinned this site on Pinterest. The Lemon Buttermilk Sugar Cookie Tart will keep me going. Peace!
I wish you all the very best Stephanie!! Whatever you do next, even if that is coming back after a well deserved break, I know will be amazing. <3
Best of luck to you and your growing family. You are making the right choice. These years with your children will rush by so quickly. You’ll turn around one day and they’ll be grown. Spend as much time with them now before they just want to spend time with their friends.
Good luck!! I myself realized the same but at 57 years old and it was the best decision to retire ( from long hrs in the veterinary field) my family came 1st and 5 years later best choice ever!! I must add that because of you I started working with yeast and making my own bbq sauces absolutely everything from scratch. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Somehow I missed this and came searching for some new recipes. I want you to know how much I’ve appreciated your time and recipes over the years. I’ve had so many people come in the house when I’m making one of your creations and say “It smells soooo good in here.”
I can’t wait to dig into your archives and find more loves.
Thank you for giving me inspiration, and sometimes even permission, to try new flavors and ideas in the kitchen.
I haven’t been reading your blog recently (I mostly come for specific recipes when I’m using Google), so I just saw this post. I really admire what you decided to do. It’s great that you stuck with it so long, but at the same time, I appreciate your stepping away from it for your family. It’s something I’m currently struggling with on the work front. I wish you the best!
I completely understand ! Been there myself hon. Best of luck to you, and have a great rest of your life with your lovely family and church <3. Thank you for all the awesome you gave on this blog 🙂
I saw your name come up in another link and wondered why I hadn’t seen so much of you lately! Kudos to you for taking the path you’re truly passionate about and I wish you so much happiness! Thanks for being an inspiration for me in the past 🙂
Good luck!
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